The Princess Bride
by Super Nintendo Power
Summary: An Epic tale of True Love and High Adventure!
1. Chapter 1

The man was in his thirties now. A Jounin. Normally, he would be running missions for Hokage-Sama, or just drinking. Instead, he was doing something that no one else thought he would actually do.

Read his favorite book of all time to his nephew.

The man knocked on the door. His sister opened it. Her odd pale eyes shone with joy.

"Oh, Arashi. You're here."

"Yeah, yeah." Arashi said dismissively as he stepped inside his sister's home. "Where's the kid?"

"Upstairs." She said.

"Do you want to listen in, Hikairi? You love this book just as much as I do."

"It's the only book you ever liked Arashi." Hikairi said. "Hopefully he'll love it too."

"He will." Arashi said confidently as he walked up the stairs. "If he doesn't, I'll make him."

"Oh that's really funny Arashi." Hikairi said sarcastically. "He's a bit you like and Dad. Extremely stubborn. I'll bet you anything he say he doesn't think he'll like it, but then gets caught up in the story, like you did."

"I'd take that bet. But I know I'll lose. I'll tell you how it goes later." Arashi said as he climbed the last stairs. He found his Nephews room, and like the ninja he is, kicked it down.

"Hey, kid!" Arashi said with a big smile as he sat down on the chair next to his nephew. "Having a rough day?"

"I'm sick, Uncle." The Nephew said flatly. "Of course I'm having a bad day."

"Yeah. Anyway, I brought something for you." Arashi said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a badly wrapped package. "Enjoy."

The Nephew tore eagerly at the package, only to discover it was something he remotely disliked.

"It's a book." He said flatly. Arashi chuckled.

"Not just any book. It's a book that was read to me and your mom when we were sick. It'll do you wonders. Believe me."

"So… it has ninja's in it right?" The Nephew asked. Arashi chuckled.

"Not the pussy ninja's kids your age think up. No, these are real, bloodthirsty ninjas. Of course, that alone doesn't make this story great." He leaned back in his chair. "Passion. Miracles. Good men. Bad men. True Love. Torture. It's a piece of art!"

"Yeah, you turned me off at 'passion' I don't think I'll like it."

"Yeah, well, since you're sick, I'm just going to read it to you." He picked up the book from the nephews lab.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll try to stay awake." The Nephew said as he put his head on his pillow and closed his eyes.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Arashi muttered before opening the book.

"Ahem…"

**The Princess Bride**

**Chapter 1**

**The Bride**

People believe you choose True Love. That you can just find someone sexy and beautiful and just go "Oh Marry me!" And your desired partner would go "Oh yes! I love you so much! Let's go have sex!"

True Love isn't like that at all.

True Love is when you feel that you would do anything to make someone reach his/her true potential. Actually, not really. But that's the best way I can describe it. Love is many things. Not all of them are logical.

Hinata Hyuuga loved Naruto Uzamaki.

See? A girl who completely fell in love with someone who is almost nothing like her. She's shy. He's outspoken. She thought before she spoke. He spoke his mind. She was royalty.

He was trash.

She loved him. Totally. Don't ask why. Like I said before, there really wasn't any one clear reason you could put your finger on. It most definitely started with respect. Naruto was able to take verbal blows and shrug them off whereas Hinata's confidence was shattered.

As she got older…

He defended her. He told her that they could be friends.

He didn't know she wanted to be more than that.

She knew she had a crush on him.

He had left for a training journey. She wanted to say good-bye. But… she was so scared of rejection…

When he returned three years later-

....................................................................................................

"Hold Up." The Nephew said irritably. "Who goes on a training trip for three damn years? And when is it going to get good?" Arashi punched him on the head.

"I don't mind you using that language, but if your mom found out, she'd probably kill me. Anyway, I never liked this part either. It basically just explains Hinata's feelings."

The Nephew frowned.

"So… she's the princess?"

"Obviously, dumbass. If you don't have any more complaints, I'd like to continue reading." With that, Arashi looked back at the book…

…………………………………………………

When he returned three years later, he returned so much stronger. Hinata was impressed. But there's something about Naruto that everyone else just… hates.

………………………………………………………………

"Don't tell me. It's soooooo Cliché'." The Nephew said as he lay on his pillow with his eyes closed. "He has a demon sealed inside his gut!"

"… Are you going to listen, or not?" Arashi demanded.

"Fine." The Nephew said.

"Ahem." Arashi coughed, before he continued reading…

…………………………………………………..

Everyone hated him for because one of his comrades-in-arms, Sasuke Uchiha, had defected from the village shortly before Naruto left to train. Naruto was part of a squad to retrieve said traitor, but they failed. Since villagers are idiots, it became common 'knowledge' that it was Naruto's fault the Uchiha ran away.

As a result, only Hinata commented on his strength.

Hinata was a bit more confident in herself by this time, so she talked to him as much as she had the nerve too. Instead of fainting and blushing all the time. Well, she did still blush a lot. But at least she was near him.

A year later…

Naruto had returned the bastard Uchiha. A brief history on the Uchiha: In Konoha they were feared for their 'copy-cat eyes' and crap. However, most of them were in the grave. Since Sasuke was the last, the council gave him a full pardon.

Despite the love of the villagers and the animosity of the Shinobi, Sasuke tried his best to redeem himself in the eyes of a certain Sakura Haruno.

But of course, that isn't exactly relevant to this story at the moment. Back to the relevance.

Hinata- now a Chunin- looked up at the sky and sighed. She was, of course, thinking about Naruto.

By now she was infatuated with him.

But… he was extremely dense. Hinata frowned. She… needed him to acknowledge her.

"Oi! Hinata!" Hinata turned around to see her old teammate Kiba Inuzuka run up to her.

"Yes, what do you want, Kiba?" Hinata asked politely.

"I was wondering. Will you-"

"No." Hinata said before turning around. Kiba frowned.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask!"

"You were going to ask me to go out with you." Hinata said flatly. Sure, Kiba was an okay guy… but…she just didn't feel the same around him as Naruto.

"Why won't you?" Kiba demanded. I've been asking you for years, and you never accept!"

"I have my reasons." Hinata said simply.

"Naruto you mean!" Kiba snarled. "I'm sick of your infatuation with him! Naruto is always going to love Sakura, no matter what! He doesn't even know you that well!"

Any other girl probably would've smacked Kiba or something. However, Hinata was never very confident in herself, and she believed Kiba's words to be somewhat true. Trying to hide her tears, she ran away from a bewildered Kiba.

Hinata ran to a place far away from her troubles. She decided to climb the Hokage Mountains. When she made it to the top, she broke down and cried. And Cried.

"Sniff- he… doesn't care for me… Sniff- the way he cares for her."

……………………………………………………….

"Hang on," The Nephew frowned. "What the hell is this?"

"Angst, basically." Arashi said with glee. Now the rest of the book is whining about Naruto."

"Noooooooo-"

"I'm just messing with you. This doesn't last long at all." Arashi assured him.

………………………………………………..

"So, Blah blah, Blah, I've been watching you, and I'm in love with you." Naruto said.

"Oh Naruto!" Hinata said as she threw her arms around him.

Then they got married and went to have some fun and-"

……………………………………………………..

"So it is a porn novel!" The Nephew accused. "How could you try and twist my mind?"

"I'm only joking." Arashi said, holding up his hands innocently.

……………………………………………………

"Sniff… He'll never care for me… the way he cares for her." Hinata said. Then she cried a bit more, because that's what people do when they're upset apparently.

Suddenly…

"Eh? Hinata? What are you doing out here?"

She turned around and saw Naruto.

"Oh… ummm… Wahhhhh!" Hinata wailed, jumping into Naruto's arms.

"Ah!" Surprised by Hinata's random act of… random, Naruto fell over. "Hinata!"

"Oh, Naruto!" Hinata cried. "Kiba said something to me and… I can't even think straight!"

"Well, what did he say?" Naruto asked.

"He said… he said…"

Now, because I can't write love scenes, Hinata basically confessed her love to Naruto, and he agreed to go out with her.

Then, after a few months, Naruto eventually fell in love with Hinata's personality too.

Hinata couldn't be happier.

Which was why his death hit her the way it did.

His squad had been attacked by some Iwa nins. Led by the infamous Black Death, Naruto's squad simply disappeared.

……………………………………………………

"Getting murdered by Iwa Nins is good." The Nephew remarked. Arashi grinned.

"That's what I said too. Your mom thought that was totally barbaric, and crap, she felt soooooo sorry for poor little Hinata-sama." Arashi sniggered. He suddenly put on a girlish voice. "That's… so saaaaaaddddd… Waaaaaaahhhhhh…" Arashi smiled. "The first chapter is just about over. It gets really actiony by chapter 3. Trust me,

……………………………………………….

Hinata shut herself in her room for days on end, neglecting eating or sleeping.

Her Cousin and Sister anxiously awaited the day when she would finally leave her room.

Several days later, Hinata left her room.

"Hinata-sama, are you-" Neji began but Hinata just smiled. An extremely sad smile, worn by those who had felt true pain.

"I am fine, Neji." She said. But her eyes narrowed.

"But I will never love again."

**Chapter 2**

**The Groom**

……………………………………………..

"Hang on," The Nephew interjected. "If Naruto's dead, and Hinata's the main character, that would logically mean she's getting married. I thought she said she was never going to love again?"

"Marriage is many things." Arashi answered. "Typically, it's because a man and a woman love each other soooooo much and they just have to be all formal about it…"

"You sound kind of bitter." The Nephew said with concern. "Is this because of Satsuki again?"

"Shut up!" Arashi snarled. Composing himself, he went on with his rant.

Marriage, within powerful ninja families, is used to get them more power. So, obviously, Hinata is forced into it."

"But why?"

Arashi scowled at him.

"Do you want me to spoil the whole book, or let me read the damn thing?"

The Nephew sighed.

"Fine… just read."

"Thank you. Now where was I…"

…………………………………………

As everyone in Konoha knows, the Council of Elders of the Hyuuga clan are assholes. So much so, that they decided to take advantage over Hinata's depression and get her married off to give the clan more power. As usual, Hiashi Hyuuga (The clan head) wasn't present.

"We called forth this meeting to discuss Hinata Hyuuga's recent bitchy attitude." One of the Elders said, obviously extremely biased.

"What bitchy attitude?" A random council member asked. "She is only depressed at the loss of her lover. This is completely natural."

The Elder who had first spoken narrowed his eyes.

"We'll deal with you later." Turning back dramatically to the council high table, or something, and continued his extremely biased rant.

"Long story short, most of us agree Hinata sucks, and Hanabi would make a better clan head."

"Oh, so you're going to marry off my daughter, and put Hanabi in as head of the clan, hmmm?" A voice asked.

"Why yes, of cour- HOLY SHIT!"

Hiashi Hyuuga had recently grown suspicious of the council. Idiots… they had posted flyers on the branch house wall advertising this meeting.

Which was he had come to crash the party.

"Hiashi-sama!" A council man gasped. "How much did you-"

"Hear? Enough, bastard." Hiashi turned to the guy who had defended Hinata. "You, for one, are going to be the one who gets off easy." Turning to the rest of them, he activated his Byagugan. "You, idjits, on the other hand…"

Although Hiashi kicked their asses, they pulled some clan law out of their ass, and because of the popular vote Hiashi had to shift his stance. It was agreed by the assholes that Hinata would marry Kiba, who had (Somehow) been chosen as a candidate for the Rokudaime. (Seriously, I don't have a clue why)

……………………………………………………….

Despite the fact that he was the clan head, Hiashi really had no choice. He knew his daughter would never love another man, and she only kept herself alive for her remaining friends.

So, he proposed that Hinata only marry Kiba after he was officially going to be Rokudaime. It really wouldn't make sense to have her marry some loser who smelled like dog shit and was _not _in a position of power. Fortunately, the assholes realized he had a point and agreed to this decision.

And what with one thing and another, three years passed…

**Chapter Three: The Announcement**

Kiba Inuzuka was going to be the Rokudaime. And with the Hyuuga heir by his side, he could eventually crush the council, and rule over Konoha with an iron fist!

Then he could have as many wives as he wanted! Oh the possibilities! Every female in the village would be begging for him to take them, for that was all they were to him. Sex opportunities.

Then he could fulfill his life long dream of destroying Iwa! Then Kumo… then Kiri… then Suna, even though they were techinically close allies. Konoha suffered there, dammit! And everyone was willing to forgive them! Forgiving bastards!

Kiba decided to see the one man who had assisted him (In various ways including making competing nin for Rokudaime mysteriously disappear). This was the man who had pretty much set everything up for Kiba. Yeah, this is the badass of this book.

"So, Itachi." Kiba said as he walked over to his assistant. "Once I'm Rokudaime, your name will be cleared. So if you'll forgive me for not giving you my heartfelt thanks I'd appreciate it. I'm being overly generous."

Itachi blinked, and looked at Kiba while closing his scroll.

"So. Is everything going to plan?" Itachi asked. Kiba was his only link to the outside world from his hideaway. It was a pain to find out the political situation of Konoha if you only came out of hiding to kill somebody.

"Yes. There's a problem though. Hinata is… ah, reluctant, to marry me. She is the heir after all and-"

"Have you been living under a rock?"

"Excuse me?" Kiba asked, confused.

"Hinata has been disowned. You've been engaged to her for three freaking years, and you never realized that?"

"Then that would mean… I won't… have power in the Hyuuga clan?"

"Some. She's still a powerful figure, and her father should listen to you. No, it's the Hyuuga council that won't do anything productive."

"I just need them to muster all of their finances to help fund my global conquest." Kiba said as he paced around Itachi's 'study.' "Do you have a back-up plan?"

"Fortuneatly for you, yes. It is drastic though. You won't like it." Itachi warned him.

"Tell me." Kiba said eagerly.

…………………………….

"Greetings, citizens of Konoha! It is I, the Future Rokudaime Hokage!" Kiba said in a what he thought was a 'leadership' voice. "I decided to call this meeting to introduce you to someone you already know. My future Bi- err.. Wife, Hinata Hyuuga!"

Hinata, if you didn't already figure it out, didn't love Kiba. In fact, she hated his guts. Although she looked very beautiful as she walked out unto the balcony, that was only because she always looked beautiful. She was so beautiful, the gods themselves-"

…………………………….

"Ah, damn it." Arashi scowled.

"What is it?" The Nephew asked.

"It's one of those parts where the narrator gets all preachy about Hinata's beauty. I almost forgot it existed. Let's see here…" To the Nephew's amazement, Arashi flipped through _fourty pages _detailing Hinata's beauty.

"Seriously. This guy is a lunatic. Now where should I start…"

………………………………………………….

So basically, only Naruto, generally an all around badass and only love of Hinata's ever deserved to marry her. End of story, good bye, the end. Except, of course, her dream guy is dead.

Hinata, on occasion (by occasion, I mean every single waking moment… okay, and sleep moments too) wanted to strangle Kiba, Kill him, burn him alive, then starve him for six weeks. And yes, in that order. Our Hinata hated him that much.

So, instead of going all emo and killing herself, she decided she should (At least try) to help the clan. By marrying Kiba. Ick.

……………………………..

So in a (vain) attempt to vent her emo feelings, she took a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long- Okay, really long walk in the woods. Which is a bad idea for a High ranking official such as Hinata the Ex-Hyuuga heiress.

So, it's only natural she'd be kidnapped by some badass shinobi pretending to be Circus performers.

……………………………….

"I don't get why we're doing this." Sasuke complained to Shikamaru. Shikamaru was strangely quiet, as he kneeled down at the foot of a tree. The Lazy genius stood up and addressed Sasuke.

"We're doing this because she's selling secrets to Iwa." Shikamaru said slowly. Then he yawned.

"Then why the hell did you write a death threat, from Iwa, on the trunk of that tree?" Sasuke demanded.

"Because if the Hyuuga heir, and future wife of the Rokudaime, was known to be a spy, we'd be essentially screwed." Shikamaru drawled. "The people would lose faith in the Hyuuga, and they're too influential to lose comradeship." Shikamaru explained. "Kiba-sama also needs a decent excuse to start the war with Iwa, so they can't strike first."

"Where's the evidence she did it though?" Chouji Akimichi, long time friend of Shikamaru, asked as he jumped off the boat, unto the dock after dumping Hinata's unconscious body inside. "I mean, Kiba wouldn't jump to conclusions…"

"She is our friend." Sasuke piped up. "Killing her without reason would be… unjust. Makes me feel… strange."

"We are Shinobi." Shikamaru said without emotion. "We will do what our village asks us to do. That is our duty."

"You've changed Shikamaru." Sasuke murmered. "A wise man once said, "If that's the way of the shinobi, I'll forge me own path! I'll never go back on my word! That will be my shinobi way!"

"He must have been a fool."

"Better a fool that speaks the truth to others, than a genius who lies to himself."

……………………………………………….

"So, what's with these waters again?" Chouji asked Shikamaru as he adjusted the sails. "Everyone says not to come here. Ever."

"It's because the Kyuubi lived nearby." Shikamaru drawled as he leaned against the mast with his eyes closed. "There's still a lot of contamination, so it screws with your chakra system. Which is why we're going to have to climb the Cliffs with a rope instead of just walking up it."

"No Jutsu?" Chouji frowned. Shikamaru nodded.

"Then why the hell are we going this way?" Sasuke demanded. "It'd be a lot faster to get to Iwa's border by going, I don't know, the normal way!"

"It's because no one does come this way Sasuke." Shikamaru explained. "We need as much leeway as we can get, before being pursued. Also, when Hyuuga-sama wakes up, she won't be able to fight us because of all the Kyuubi's chakra messing with her system."

"Cowards…" Sasuke muttered. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"We need this mission to be a success. Kiba-sama needs to have Iwa blamed for her death, and there's really no other way we could not be followed."

"You're sure no one's following us?" Sasuke inquired, as he adjusted the tiller.

"It would be too troublesome to follow us through here." Shikamaru assured him. He lay his head back on the mast…

"Then who the hell is it back there?" Sasuke demanded.

"What!" Shikamaru immediately stood up and headed toward the back of the ship (I'm not a sailor…what do they call those? Bows?) Chouji also looked over toward the horizon.

There was a ship, obviously following them.

"Oh yeah, your such a genius Shikamaru." Sasuke said sarcastically. "They're not possibly actually following us. They must be just local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise in mutated/demonic spawn fish infested waters. Hang on…" Sasuke frowned. "It's a small vessel. That guy… in all black… he's the only one aboard."

"He must be after Hinata. Can he see us from here, Sasuke?" Shikamaru inquired.

"No." Sasuke said as he activated his Sharingan. "He appears to be… smelling us?"

"That doesn't make any sense." Chouji said, frowning. "No one from Iwa has any idea what we're trying to do, and no one from Konoha could have gotten here so fast."

"A third party then?" Sasuke wondered.

"It doesn't matter who he is." Shikamaru said expertly. "If he sees we're Konoha nin and reports to his superiors, the mission is completely screwed. We have to scale the cliffs, then cut the rope so he can't follow. He'll have to go around and find another way up. By then we should be finished, and all the evidence will point to Iwa."

"Didn't Kiba say that he would be coming after us personally to 'encourage' us to do it faster?" Sasuke recalled. "What if it's him?"

"Come to think of it, it probably is. Do you see Akamaru on the deck, Sasuke?"

"Nope."

"Why would an Inuzuka go on a mission without his dog?" Chouji wondered.

"Urrrrgghhhh…" Hinata groaned.

"Great. She's going to wake up. I told you we should have drugged her!" Shikamaru hissed.

Sasuke shrugged.

"I want her to be alive when I kill her. I need to apologize to her face."

"She's still our friend, Shikamaru." Chouji added.

"No. She's Not." Shikamaru said quietly

…………………………………

"I see the cliffs. Prepare the climbing gear."

"Ummm… Shikamaru, I am the climbing gear." Chouji said with a frown. "I'm carrying Hinata up the rope."

"You sure you can climb that rope without chakra?" Sasuke asked. "Because, quite honestly, I don't want to carry your lazy ass up the rope Shikamaru."

"I can climb it just fine." Shikamaru drawled. "Just worry about yourself… although it would be better to murder her on Iwa's land, we could just drop her off the cliff…"

"Just kill me. O my heart! How it hurts now that I have separated from my lover!" Hinata ranted in a vaguely shakespearen fashion.

"What the hell did you give her?"

"Knockout pills. But it seems this atmosphere gives everyone odd immunities to various ailments. It appears to have made her... ummm… high." Sasuke said, annoyed at Hinata's recent emo bitchy attitude."

Chouji put Hinata on his back, and Shikamaru tied her hands together around his neck so she wouldn't fall off. Then, they climbed the rope.

"He's coming." Sasuke said, looking down. The Man in Black was cruising towards the place where they docked. He jumped off, apparently not caring that his boat wasn't tied up and…

He began to climb up after them.

"Well… Shit." Sasuke said as he looked down.

"What is it?" Shikamaru asked.

"He's climbing the rope."

"Well… that sucks. Go faster you two!"

The man appeared to be a much, much, more accomplished climber than Shikamaru or Chouji. By the time the trio made it to the top, lugging Hinata's really, really, sexy ass, he was already three fourths of the way up the rope.

Being an experienced shinobi, Shikamaru took Sasuke's big ass sword and sliced through the rope.

The Trio watched as the rope slid off the edge of the massive cliffs.

"Well. That's that. Let's continue, shall we?" Shikamaru asked.

Sasuke, walked over to the cliff and looked down.

"What are you doing Sasuke?" Shikamaru demanded. "He's dead. The fall would have killed him."

"Nope. See for yourself."

Shikamaru rushed to the side of the cliff and looked down. Indeed, the Man in Black was hanging on the edge of the cliff.

"He must have let go as it fell." Sasuke said in an attempt to explain the situation.

"Well, he'll fall eventually. Come on you two."

As Shikamaru turned to leave, Chouji noticed something.

"He's climbing."

Indeed, the Man in Black was indeed finding rocks he could use as footholds and handholds. Slowly, but surely, he was climbing up the cliff.

"We can't risk him getting up here." Shikamaru muttered. "Alright. Me and Chouji will go on ahead. Sasuke, you take care of this guy. If he falls, fine, but if not, the Sword!"

Shikamaru turned to leave, but Sasuke jogged back up to him.

"No Chakra, right?"

"Yes. The atmosphere will screw with your Jutsu. No, rely on Tai and Kenjutsu. "

"He had a Sword. I want to swordfight him."

Shikamaru became noticeably annoyed.

"You know what a hurry we're in!"

"Ah, if I rely simply on Kenjutsu, much like the Seven Swordsman of the Mist, I grow stronger. If I use my own style… it's over too quickly."

"Oh, have it your way." Shikamaru grumbled. "Chouji! Let's go!"

"Be careful. He looks tough." Chouji warned Sasuke.

"I'll be fine." Sasuke said dismissively.

"I'm waiting!" Shikamaru called.

"I'm coming!" Chouji bent down, and picked Hinata back up. They immediately left.

Sasuke began to fidget. When was this guy going to get up here?

A minute. Why wasn't he here yet?

Two minutes. Maybe he fell?

Three minutes. Maybe I'll check?

Four minutes: Screw this.

Sasuke looked over the edge and shouted;

"Slow going?"

"Yep." The man in black said casually.

…

"I'm Hungry." The Nephew whined.

"Dammit!" Arashi cursed. "It was just about to get good!"

""Hey, you're reading to me. You have to deal with my hunger pangs. Go get me some food, slave!" The Nephew commanded.

"Oh, Fine!" Arashi said. Swearing loudly, he went back downstairs to get something to eat.


	2. I have to say

I have to say, I really do not appreciate it when people refuse to review. I'm holding the next ten chapters hostage until I reach the 100 + Mark.

Thank you, and have a nice day.


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